Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
