omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
