The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
