I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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