now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
ttyl tear gas
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
