I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
