I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
