Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
