It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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