How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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