Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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