Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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