Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
