i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
