I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
