How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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