Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
