Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
