just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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