Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
