before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
