I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
