I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
