There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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