you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
