i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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