You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
