Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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