i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
