He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize