i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
