Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
