the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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