i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
