It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
