My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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