I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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