fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
