do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
