I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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