i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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