grandma shit on top of the toilet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
