I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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