My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Houston, we have a squirter
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
