hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
