he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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