My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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