so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
