I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
