It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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