oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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