I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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