If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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