I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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