The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
3pm strippers are depressing
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
