You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
