i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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