who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
