Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize