eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
