So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
